Is there such a thing as the “right person to marry”?
If so, what does that even mean?
Is it someone you rarely fight with? Someone who shares your interests? Perhaps it is someone who received complementary results on whichever personality test is trending.
Maybe it is someone you can imagine growing old and wrinkled with.
Gross.
Or does the right person meet all of those criteria?
The problem with believing in a “right” person is that the idea also creates a “wrong” person.
That implication may seem harmless. Some people might even find it helpful while dating.
However, once you marry someone, the “wrong” person no longer exists.
How the Idea of a Wrong Person Affects Marriage
People behave according to the way they think. The two cannot be separated.
Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”
If you enter marriage believing you may have chosen the wrong person, you will face hardship differently.
Every disagreement can become evidence that you made the wrong decision. Instead of seeing an opportunity to persevere, you may begin looking for an exit.
After all, why sacrifice and strain to repair a marriage if you married the wrong person?
It might seem easier to file for divorce and resume the search for the right person.
But what if the right person for you accidentally married someone else?
This gets messy quickly.
It also creates the necessary ingredients for justifying an affair.
How Romantic Stories Sell the Myth
Have you ever watched a movie about a man and woman who “should” be together but remain “tied down” to other people?
At first, we respect marriage enough to believe the proposed relationship is wrong.
Then the filmmakers carefully arrange events designed to win our sympathy.
Soon, we begin hoping one relationship will collapse to make room for another.
In less than 90 minutes, we move from wrong, to maybe, to absolutely necessary.
Eventually, we become convinced that life has interfered with destiny.
By the end, we cheer when the couple finally gets together, infidelity and all.
Nearly an entire genre depends on this premise. It only works when we believe in a “right” and “wrong” person.
Once we pull our heads out of the story’s hindquarters and return to reality, we can see the grievous sin taking place.
The story exploited our hearts through manufactured empathy. It romanticized a worldview with no serious commitment to marriage.
The Right Person to Marry Becomes the One You Marry
Put simply, there is no such thing as “the one” unless you are already married.
The one who becomes “the one” is the person you marry.
That is what marriage declares.
Marriage commits you to a person with flaws. You do not ignore those flaws. Instead, you commit yourself to that person despite them.
The flaws come with the marriage and, most of all, with the commitment.
By the way, you are the “wrong” person.
Me too.
We all are.
The greatest problem begins when we accept the lie that we are basically good people.
The Bible tells a different story, and anyone with children can confirm it.
Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
That truth helps make marriage glorious: one “wrong” person commits to another “wrong” person.
After all, what would be remarkable about committing yourself to someone flawless?
Marriage Requires Commitment, Not a Soulmate
So how do you find “the one” when “the one” does not exist?
If you are unmarried, stop searching for a flawless soulmate.
Instead, look for a potential spouse whose life shows a pattern of growth and faithfulness when measured against Scripture.
Once you marry and make a public covenant before God and others, congratulations.
You married “the one.”
If you are already married, the same good news applies.
Congratulations. You married “the one” (Matthew 19:4-6).
When you reach a bump in the road, and you will, remember something important.
Even the best marriage joins two fallible people. Both people, along with their relationship, need redemption.
The good news is that Jesus came to restore us and our relationships.
Therefore, we have hope.
Relationships remain broken on this side of heaven. Still, brokenness does not mean you married the wrong person.
But do not take my word for it.
See what God says about marriage in His Word.