So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak . . . James 1:19
A recent study from the University of Arizona reveals that the average person speaks 16,000 words per day. Surprisingly, contrary to the stereotype, there was very little difference between men and women.
It has been said that since we’re created with two ears and one mouth, we should listen twice as much as we speak. While this may be a good starting point, there is no compelling reason to conform to this whimsical two-to-one ratio because it doesn’t address the root of the problem. Some people are simply quieter and more reserved than others, but if we’re honest, we’ve all been in those conversations where we’re pretending to listen while eagerly waiting for the next opportunity to speak. Too often, we would much rather be heard than listen.
It can be painful to peel back layers and examine the motivations behind our behaviors, but let’s ask some hard questions about listening. Do we genuinely want to hear and understand others’ points of view? Have we quietly convinced ourselves that our thoughts and opinions are somehow superior to those of others? Are we primarily motivated by our own self-interests or the interests of others? Notice the common thread of comparison in these questions: self versus others.
Our communication should be “managed” just like everything else in our lives. But by whom? We know that our minds control our thoughts, words, and actions, but who is controlling our minds?
At this point, it shouldn’t be surprising that we’re coming right back to the battle for the mind. In previous articles, we identified that our minds are the breeding ground for our system of thought and that it is the “person” controlling our minds that determines how we think. And then it follows that how we think determines what we say and do.
“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7
It’s natural for us to loosely blurt out thousands of self-serving words each day with little or no thought for others. On the other hand, when we have the mind of Christ, He gives us a supernatural desire to redeem and transform our words into loving, compassionate, and caring communication.
Imagine what it would be like if every human encounter were grounded in the humility, love, and selflessness that Jesus demonstrated for us. What if nothing was done or said “through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind,” with each of us truly esteeming others better than ourselves? Picture the sweet community we would have in the body of Christ if we were sincerely looking out not only for our own interests, “but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3–4).
The bad news is that this is absolutely impossible . . . when our flesh is at the “control center.” The good news is that this beautiful portrait of koinonia (fellowship) is not only possible; it is inevitable when we have the mind or Christ.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13