“So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak . . .” James 1:19
A University of Arizona study found that men and women each speak roughly 16,000 words per day. Surprisingly, researchers found very little difference between the two.
It has been said that since we’re created with two ears and one mouth, we should listen twice as much as we speak.
That may be a good starting point. Still, there is no compelling reason to follow this whimsical two-to-one ratio. It doesn’t address the root of the problem.
Some people are simply quieter and more reserved than others. But if we’re honest, we’ve all had conversations where we pretend to listen while eagerly waiting for our next opportunity to speak.
Too often, we would much rather be heard than listen.
Why Is Listening So Difficult?
It can be painful to peel back layers and examine the motivations behind our behavior. Still, let’s ask some hard questions about listening.
Do we genuinely want to hear and understand another person’s point of view?
Have we quietly convinced ourselves that our thoughts and opinions are somehow superior?
Are our own interests driving the conversation, or are we concerned about the interests of others?
Notice the common thread in these questions: self versus others.
We should “manage” our communication just like everything else in our lives. But who should manage it?
Our minds control our thoughts, words and actions. But who controls our minds?
Communication Begins With the Mind
At this point, it shouldn’t be surprising that we’re coming right back to the battle for the mind.
In previous articles, we identified our minds as the breeding ground for our system of thought. The “person” controlling our minds determines how we think. How we think then determines what we say and do.
“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7
Our natural tendency is to blurt out thousands of self-serving words each day. We often give little thought to the people hearing them.
When we have the mind of Christ, however, He gives us a supernatural desire to redeem our words. He can transform them into loving, compassionate and caring communication.
What Would the Mind of Christ Sound Like?
Imagine every human encounter grounded in the humility, love and selflessness that Jesus demonstrated for us.
What if we did nothing “through selfish ambition or conceit”? What if, instead, we approached others “in lowliness of mind” and truly esteemed them above ourselves?
Picture the sweet community we would have in the body of Christ. We would sincerely look out not only for our own interests, “but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4).
The bad news is that this is absolutely impossible . . . when our flesh occupies the “control center.”
The good news is that this beautiful portrait of koinonia, or fellowship, is not only possible. It is inevitable when we have the mind of Christ.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13